Friday 8 February 2013

Great Galloping Burgers........





Speaking on RTÉ's Prime Time last night, Martin McAdam of McAdam Foods, at the groundzero (pun intended) of Burgergate said he was unable to explain why meat he had sourced from two separate Polish factories had tested positive for horse meat. Here's a thought Martin.....BECAUSE THEY KILLED SOME HORSES AND CHUCKED THEM IN THE GRINDER! How hard is that to understand?

Jaroslaw Naze, the Polish Deputy Director of the General Veterinary Inspectorate, has said there are no indications that the mixing of horse meat with beef, which was used for burger production, took place in Poland. This is extraordinary.

So, the horse wasn't mixed with the cattle in Poland? Then, logic dictates, it was mixed somewhere else. This is turning into an International conspiracy

With the disclosure that some Findus products were found to contain 100% equus how many end users have been affected?

However, for all you horse lovers, and, as a National Service, here's a guide to cooking the poor creatures (take particular notice of point No.5). ....Courtesy of www.metro.ca

1. Horse meat can be prepared in exactly the same way as beef.
2. Care must be taken when cooking horse meat because it is very tender and requires little time to cook. For maximum tenderness, it is always preferable to sear the meat quickly then reduce the heat until the meat is done.
3. Depending on personal taste, most cuts of horse meat can be eaten pink. Ground horse meat should, of course, be well done.
4. Each cut of meat has its own cooking method: tender and very tender cuts can be roasted, grilled, sautéed or pan-fried.
5. Horse meat has the inconvenience of being extremely fragile so it is easily contaminated, particularly ground meat.




George Clooney-An Apology



Dear Mr. O'Clooney,

First of all, our heartfelt apologies for dragging you into the latest epidemic of Paddyism, this particular strain undoubtedly created by the O'Healy-O'Rea collective in the County of Kerry.
Well, you know how virii work, feed, multiply, feed, multiply - this one is only surprising because, after 80 years, we have still not found an effective treatment.

After years of backward-engineering, the O'H/O'R virus is spreading at an alarming rate, this time it has hit Kilkenny, the alleged home of your great (x2) grandfather, Nicholas O'Clooney. Now, we know that your mammy was the great Rosemary o'Clooney, (You'll notice the lower case "o", wimmin were labeled thus in the old times as they didn't deserve a capital), and that we tried to claim her as well, a long time ago, but the O'H/O'R virus hadn't really multiplied sufficiently back then, so that failed. So, I guess, we have to apologise for trying on that particular one as well.

Anyway, the lads in Kilkenny came up with the idea that a little documentary about your roots to your great (x2) grand daddy would be a good thing and then it was so. This was propagated by the same lad that found your old pal Pres Barak was rooted in the neighbouring County Offaly, so, there must be some smidgeon of truth in it? I mean. who wouldn't believe that Barak is Irish? The very thought is treason.

I read in the papers over here that the documentary maker himself, on behalf of the Lord Mayor of Kilkenny, is to invite you to become a Freeman of the City of Kilkenny when he meets you in Berlin? I beg you, before agreeing to accept this dubious honour, in Berlin of all places, have a chat with our own Gabriel Byrne from Dublin, he's a psychiatrist in Los Angeles and a good man, he'll be able to put you on the right path. (He goes by the name of Dr. Paul Weston over there, you should be able to get him in the phone book). I believe he goes on the TV over there too, so he must be very popular.

Up the gathering!!!!

And again, our apologies.

Yours apologetically,
Rick O'Shea,
Office of the Alternative Government in Exile (O-AGE)

Thursday 7 February 2013

Every Little Helps?



Oh, of course, its Tesco's fault!

Irish Cattle and Sheep Farmers' Association beef section Head Honcho Edmond Phelan stated on RTE's Tuesday's Morning Ireland program ""If the major retailers, I mean they can't wash their hands of it either. If they want to buy food for practically nothing, they have to take some responsibility," ? ?

So, some quick-buck merchant in Monaghan gets a great deal from a "beef" supplier in Poland, doubles or trebles his profits by selling it practically straight from truck to table, and now, it's Tesco's (or some other major retailer's) fault?

Mr. Phelan also stated that yesterday's Joint Oireachtas Committee to discuss the findings of the Food Safety Authority "raised more questions than it answered". It does indeed Edmond.

Given that you cannot walk from Ballymote to Buninadden without stepping in multiple forms of bovine shite, why are the Irish beef factories who supply the retailers, buying "beef" from Poland? Most Irish and UK multiples insist, by contract, that all beef must be sourced in Ireland or the UK,

If the ICSA members want to sell their beef to the major retailers, at whatever price, that's their business. However, lads, try to make sure that they are getting what they pay for, eg beef, not some lazy Polish carthorse or homeless Finglas donkey.

Try shouldering that shovel Edmond, the Tesco hole is way too deep, filling it in is what should be on your mind.

Beef Troubles



It's always a good day.....

 


When you see the names Pat Wall, Food Safety Authority, Larry Goodman and Horse Sport Ireland in the same news article.

Pat Wall was previously employed as Chief Executive of the Food Safety Authority. Unfortunately, Pat Wall has a new job. More of that later.

Larry Goodman controls ABP Foods Group, which, in turn, owns the Silvercrest Factory at the centre of the Burgergate scandal. Now, you will remember that the same Larry Goodman was the star of that other particularly Irish production, the Beef Tribunal. Yep, the very same Larry Goodman, who, twenty-odd years ago, set the Irish Beef Industry back a further 20 years. It's like, well, shooting yourself in the foot twice, once is misfortune, twice is total carelessness.

Anyway, I digress. Back to Mr. Pat Wall, former head of the Food Safety Authority of Ireland, which discovered the horse burgers last month in Mr Goodman's factory. Trace elements of equine DNA in a burger is bad enough, but, to find the rear flank of a creature that roamed the fields of Finglas just a week ago, that's a horse of a different colour. I digress from the subject again, sorry.

Pat Wall is now the new Chairman of Horse Sport Ireland.