George Clooney-An Apology

Dear Mr. O'Clooney,

First of all, our heartfelt apologies for dragging you into the latest epidemic of Paddyism, this particular strain undoubtedly created by the O'Healy-O'Rea collective in the County of Kerry.
Well, you know how virii work, feed, multiply, feed, multiply - this one is only surprising because, after 80 years, we have still not found an effective treatment.

After years of backward-engineering, the O'H/O'R virus is spreading at an alarming rate, this time it has hit Kilkenny, the alleged home of your great (x2) grandfather, Nicholas O'Clooney. Now, we know that your mammy was the great Rosemary o'Clooney, (You'll notice the lower case "o", wimmin were labeled thus in the old times as they didn't deserve a capital), and that we tried to claim her as well, a long time ago, but the O'H/O'R virus hadn't really multiplied sufficiently back then, so that failed. So, I guess, we have to apologise for trying on that particular one as well.

Anyway, the lads in Kilkenny came up with the idea that a little documentary about your roots to your great (x2) grand daddy would be a good thing and then it was so. This was propagated by the same lad that found your old pal Pres Barak was rooted in the neighbouring County Offaly, so, there must be some smidgeon of truth in it? I mean. who wouldn't believe that Barak is Irish? The very thought is treason.

I read in the papers over here that the documentary maker himself, on behalf of the Lord Mayor of Kilkenny, is to invite you to become a Freeman of the City of Kilkenny when he meets you in Berlin? I beg you, before agreeing to accept this dubious honour, in Berlin of all places, have a chat with our own Gabriel Byrne from Dublin, he's a psychiatrist in Los Angeles and a good man, he'll be able to put you on the right path. (He goes by the name of Dr. Paul Weston over there, you should be able to get him in the phone book). I believe he goes on the TV over there too, so he must be very popular.

Up the gathering!!!!

And again, our apologies.

Yours apologetically,
Rick O'Shea,
Office of the Alternative Government in Exile (O-AGE)